


Pascal’s Wager

by boonies



Category: Super Junior
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-10-29
Updated: 2012-10-29
Packaged: 2017-11-17 07:01:11
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,218
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/548873
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/boonies/pseuds/boonies
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Siwon may call himself a soldier of light or whatever, but Heechul knows. Siwon is a wicked thing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Pascal’s Wager

**Author's Note:**

  * Translation into Русский available: [Пари Паскаля](https://archiveofourown.org/works/1121329) by [jaejandra](https://archiveofourown.org/users/jaejandra/pseuds/jaejandra)



Siwon learns about it in Paris.

 

A French pastor casually mentions it during service, and it sounds pretty legit.

 

So, obviously, Siwon texts Heechul.

 

"God is, or He is not."

 

It takes a few minutes to get a reply, mostly because there's a time difference. And also that whole army situation that probably frowns upon texting.

 

_Who is this?_

 

Siwon grins at his phone.

 

"We're playing a game, hyung," Siwon texts back, bent over his phone. His legs curl under the pew. "If I toss a coin into the air, it can only land heads or tails up."

 

Patiently, Siwon waits for the low vibration but none comes for several minutes. So he mumbles alongside an old woman immersed in her hymns. She gives him a weird look. He looks away as soon as his phone beeps.

 

_No, seriously, you have the wrong number._

 

Siwon's chest warms.

 

"You must wager," he types inconspicuously, sliding the phone between his knees. "If you win, you gain all. If you lose, you lose nothing."

 

He taps his fingers against his legs and tries to listen to the remainder of the sermon. His phone lights up.

 

_Isn't gambling against your religion?_

 

Siwon pauses.

 

"Anyway," he returns with a frown, "if you wager that He is, you can gain an infinity of happiness as opposed to losing a finite number of things if He isn't."

 

There's a beat and an almost instant _are you in church right now?_

 

Slowly, Siwon's fingers scroll across the screen. There's a tiny whoosh and an added _ah, seriously, you guys went to PARIS and you're sitting in a CHURCH trying to text me into salvation._

 

Siwon clears his throat, then hastily glances around to see if anyone's noticed.

 

They have.

 

There's not much he can respond with (that he hasn't said a million times before, usually in front of cameras and an amused audience), so he tucks his phone into his pocket and fixes his eyes on the pastor.

 

His phone vibrates a couple of times but he ignores it.

 

*

 

Siwon is ridiculous.

 

He's always been ridiculous. Sure, Heechul's nine kinds of ridiculous, too, but Siwon's just...

 

"A guilt machine," he writes to Leeteuk.

 

Leeteuk's text trickles in a moment later.

 

_Yeah, I'm not getting involved, bye._

 

Heechul scowls at the stack of papers he's been pretending to sort. It's not that the constant conversion attempts and surprise sacraments are annoying (they totally are), it's just that... it's _Siwon_.

 

Like, the first time Heechul kissed the guy—partly by accident, but mostly because Siwon had that stupid face and those stupid eyes and slightly less stupid hair—there was no weird freak-out.

 

Okay, fine, there was a minor conniption but nothing serious like waking up in a pool of holy water or getting strapped to a confessional or being forced to sit through an exorcism. Siwon just, well, probably learned to roll with it. For the fans.

 

But now.

 

Now Siwon always kisses him _first_.

 

It's all very nonchalant, and always on stage, and possibly calculated. Pre-army, Heechul couldn't quite predict when it would happen. There was no cue. No script. No warning. Siwon would just bring his face closer, or grab Heechul's and pull it near, and then Heechul would sort of forget a lot of things.

 

Like maybe all of them.

 

His phone beeps.

 

Boneless, he sinks deeper into his swivel chair, hands splayed on the desk. The screen darkens before he can read the entire message but apparently, Siwon's updating his twitter with some blurry shots of the Parisian landscape.

 

Heechul spins once, then glares at his phone.

 

Siwon owes him a text—technically, four—but he has time to screw around on twitter?

 

Leeteuk intercepts.

 

_You're not his girlfriend. Don't nag. Ignore._

 

Annoyed, Heechul rolls his eyes and glances out of the narrow window.

 

His sergeant is running laps outside, potentially because he's _crazy_ , so that should buy some time.

 

He almost texts back, "Why do people always assume I'd be the girl," but then stops to ponder.

 

Hypothetically, if Heechul _were_ into dudes, like, really into them, not just running through his SuJu make-out bucket-list, he wouldn't be the girl.

 

Hypothetically.

 

"Okay," he starts listlessly, tapping at his screen, "I'm sorry, Simba." He deletes the entire row at once. "I'm not sorry for what I said but I'm sorry you were offended." He removes that one, too, because it's a total douchebag thing to say.

 

He erases a bunch of variations on a theme because what the hell is this even. They're friends. They've been friends forever. They've seen each other at their worst and their best, so this is unnecessary.

 

"Tails," he writes, then sweeps his phone under a folder and scrambles outside.

 

*

 

Cautiously, Siwon side-eyes his phone.

 

"Aren't you gonna get that?" Kyuhyun asks with a yawn, buckling his seat belt.

 

Siwon fumbles with his phone, dismissing the text message and quickly loading instagram instead. "It's not important."

 

"Yeah," Kyuhyun agrees, staring blearily at the road ahead. "Not as important as taking photos of cars."

 

"Well, they're _French_ cars," Ryeowook nods airily.

 

"That's a Nissan," Kyuhyun mumbles with a grin.

 

Siwon tunes out their round robin of mocking and sneaks a peek at his messages. Heechul's is the only unread one so his traitor phone loads it automatically.

 

_Tails_.

 

And then there's an old picture of Heebum, haphazardly shaven and looking super bored.

 

Siwon's halfway through typing, "I don't think you understand what I was talking about, hyung," when the car screeches to a stop, forcing him to catch against the seat belt. His phone slips out of his hands and flies under the driver's seat.

 

*

 

Heechul's sort of circling the office building.

 

Technically, he's doing laps and training and doing his duty, but really, he's just trying to time it so he's not constantly checking his phone. And then it starts to rain so he decides it's time to finish sorting those files.

 

And by that, he apparently means dig for his phone in a pile of papers because that's what he does the moment he crosses the threshold.

 

His screen's dark so he powers it on and there's only this:

 

_I don't thhhhhh@0_

 

It's not a language Heechul understands so he ponders for a while, then reluctantly texts Leeteuk.

 

"I know you're busy photoshopping yourself into Ha Jiwon's pictures but is Siwon okay?"

 

Leeteuk, as reliable as ever, doesn't reply for an hour. Heechul's only categorized two sets of files during that time. Incorrectly.

 

_There's nothing on TV about us going to war with France, so probably._

 

Heechul rubs his face, irritated.

 

"Did he say anything?"

 

The reply only takes half an hour this time.

 

Heechul's downloaded seven new apps in the meantime.

 

_Nope_.

 

Yeah, there's a reason Siwon doesn't really try to convert Leeteuk. On days like these, Leeteuk seems too busy running the underworld to join any sort of crusade of light.

 

So, extra cranky, Heechul packs up and goes home and tosses his phone under his pillow and naps for about nine hours.

 

When he wakes up, there's a billion updates and his battery's at, like, 5% and the charger's somewhere in his laundry hamper, so he just goes to work without his phone.

 

He's sure there's probably a twitpic, somewhere on his newsfeed, of Siwon naked in bed, wishing the world a good morning (where's that part in the bible), but whatever. It's not like Heechul needs to see any of that.

 

He loads twitter as soon as his work computer boots up.

 

*

  

"Wow, Heechul's really bored today, huh."

 

Siwon glances at Leeteuk, entirely too unconcerned.

 

"He's replying to all his mentions," Kyuhyun says around a mouthful of croissant. "Aw, hyung. We should send him something to make him feel better."

 

Leeteuk pauses in poring over the schedule, snaps a picture of their breakfast, then unceremoniously emails it.

 

Siwon slows his chewing, brows furrowed.

 

He hasn't checked his phone once this morning. Not even to read all the _oppaaaaa, you're so handsome~_ replies. And he's a little addicted to those. (It's fine; his pastor's given him a general blank check of forgiveness on that one.)

 

Apparently, Heechul doesn't seem to have the same problem. If he's chatting with girls. All day long. Being too busy and important to send his dongsaeng even a single text.

 

Well, fine, Siwon's all about forgiveness and whatever.

 

He lowers his phone under the table, curtained by the tablecloth, and bangs away at the screen as though it's a drum set.

 

First he writes an admittedly catty, "Hyung. You would be better serving our country by focusing a little more on your military responsibilities." That draft gets deleted almost instantly. But then his thumb accidentally presses send on a blank text and his heart stops a tiny bit.

 

He drags a hand over his face, mortified, and powers off the phone.

 

*

 

Heechul hasn't missed his phone at all.

 

Which is why he's ransacking his laundry looking for the charger.

 

He finds it under a shirt he doesn't necessarily want to claim as his own, and scoots into a corner wall to scroll through his texts.

 

It's mostly the guys, texting him weird crap from Paris. And there's a tiny red update by Siwon's name.

 

Heechul decides to ignore it.

 

For like a minute.

 

And then he's just staring at a blank text message.

 

There's nothing even remotely ambiguous about that and if Siwon wants to be a drama queen and get mad over something this stupid then whatever, fuck it, Heechul's just gonna have to naver a counter-argument against Siwon's idiotic wager bullshit.

 

He's too tired from pretending to work all day to sit like a human, so he flexes and pulls at the cord until his laptop is close enough to see the search bar.

 

He reads up on the topic for roughly two minutes then loads his messages with purpose.

 

'Cause, seriously, enough is enough.

 

"There's more than two possibilities."

 

He stews for a few moments in his own smug satisfaction, then scowls at his phone. His smile fades.

 

"Because even a coin can land up or down or sideways or not at all," he adds to clarify. Because Siwon generally needs clarification. "So god and the afterlife exist and don't exist and also atheism and the afterlife exist and don't exist. And more than one god and afterlife. The probability of going to the wrong heaven or hell is, like, 99%—"

 

There. That should give Siwon a headache.

 

It's definitely given Heechul one.

 

*

 

Siwon gives in twenty minutes before boarding.

 

He's tired and he's cranky and the airport security lady ~randomly selected him for a check and thoroughly patted him down.

 

So he fishes his phone out of his pocket and boots it up.

 

A deluge of texts with Heechul's name floods in all at once.

 

It's embarrassing how hard Siwon's heart clenches, so he pauses behind the guys, his sunglasses firmly on and his face unusually warm.

 

He's three lines into the rant when the words start to register.

 

By Heechul's fourth incoherent paragraph, Siwon's exasperated and exhausted and frustrated beyond reason.

 

The last text is something along the lines of _and what if you're wrong_ , so Siwon grits his teeth and decides to be the better person and wordlessly agree to disagree in peace.

 

Unfortunately, his fingers don't cooperate.

 

He's hitting send on the following text message before he can clear it with his brain:

 

"I don't know. I just thought, if there's an eternity, I'd want to spend it with hyung."

 

*

 

Heechul's pretty fed up with phones and technology and social networking.

 

And Siwon.

 

Siwon may call himself a soldier of light or whatever, but Heechul knows. Siwon is a wicked thing.

 

He's a walking contradiction and a bad influence and he's so damn confusing that Heechul's been sitting at his desk, practically comatose, for nearly an hour.

 

Sure, fine, Heechul's cynical and he can be moody and insufferable but Siwon's just... awful.

 

So awful that Heechul wants to hit him. Or kiss him. One or the other. Or both. Just... something. Something like that moment during his last pre-army concert, when Siwon rested his chin on Heechul's shoulder, completely spent and quietly affectionate, and Heechul forgot all the lyrics.

 

Something where the role he's played for seven years, as the instigator who occasionally buries his face in Siwon's warm back on stage, causes Siwon to break essentially all of the rules he believes in.

 

Yeah, Siwon's just the worst.

 

Tentatively, Heechul glances at his phone.

 

That text message is still there.

 

To his right, beneath a mousepad, there's a ₩500 coin. Heechul teases it out, then pinches it between his fingers, glaring.

 

Fine.

 

Heads, he ignores the text message.

 

Tails, he doesn't.

 

He sends the coin flying at the ceiling.

 

*

 

The landing jerks Siwon awake.

 

He blinks away vague remnants of some nightmare about getting put in twitter-jail, and stretches.

 

In zombie-mode, he shuffles out with the rest of the guys, only peripherally aware of a niggling sense of worry.

 

It's not until he's stepping over the black line at the gate, full of confidence, that he remembers.

 

Horrified, he paws for his phone, heart jumping to his throat.

 

Yep, he definitely sent a bad, bad text.

 

'Cause there are eleven new messages from Heechul.

 

Siwon scrunches up his face, mind racing.

 

It's probably too late to write, "I didn't say which hyung," or "Of course I meant all the hyungs," or "Leeteuk stole my phone."

 

And it's not like he can avoid reading Heechul's texts forever.

 

Especially since he's kinda dying to read them.

 

Guardedly, he squints at the screen and loads the thread.

 

_What._ (1/11)

 

_Well, I guess I can see merit in that thing you said._ (2/11)

 

_About flipping a coin, I mean, not about the eternity thing._ (3/11)

 

_What's up with the eternity thing, though._ (4/11)

 

_Whatever, I don't care. Just wanted to tell you I'm cool with the coin thing. It helped me work through some stuff._ (5/11)

 

_It's even kind of nice, really. Simple, you know? Like, you either do or you don't._ (6/11)

 

_I guess you kind of do, right?_ (7/11)

 

_Don't answer that._ (8/11)

 

_Also, never let Leeteuk near your phone_. (9/11)

 

_Would also appreciate it if you could maybe delete all of this before you read it._ (10/11)

 

Siwon takes a breath before scrolling to the last bit of text.

 

"Hyung, we're gonna leave you here~" Kyuhyun warns from across the terminal, wielding a duffel bag like a weapon.

 

Siwon almost drops his phone, then awkwardly stuffs it into the nearest pocket.

 

*

 

Maybe the guys' plane crashed.

 

Heechul runs a quick search on his phone, lazing in his swivel chair.

 

Nope.

 

Maybe there's been a surprise rapture and Siwon's ascended.

 

That one's too stupid to have in his search history, so Heechul doesn't bother.

 

And he can't text Leeteuk anymore or the bastard's going to figure it out and announce it on every social networking site available and then Heechul will have to distract everyone by causing an international incident and going to war with the North or something.

 

So Heechul checks the time and texts Kyuhyun instead.

 

*

 

Siwon's in the middle of a perfectly-executed wave to a random assortment of ELFs staked outside of the airport, cocky grin in place, when Kyuhyun sticks a phone in his face.

 

"Hyung wants you to text him back," he says, bored, then toddles off to smile brightly at every single girl.

 

Frowning, Siwon automatically reaches for his phone, feeling a little like a puppy in training.

 

The last unread message loads.

 

_I want to play a game._

 

Siwon's entire circulatory system shuts down.

 

There are literally a billion things he could respond with, but for some reason, his lips stretch into a grin and he replies: "Excuse me, who is this?"

 

His phone lights up almost instantly.

 

_Stop stealing my lines._

 

Siwon's grin widens. He's trailing behind the guys, oblivious and pressing send on a quick, pious: "Stealing's a sin, hyung."

 

_So's the game we're gonna play._

 

Siwon almost walks into a wall.

 

Hopefully, no one's taking pictures.

 

With a casual smirk, he straightens his back and tries to look disinterested, but his fingers are curling around his phone with weird intensity. He's pretty sure Heechul's roughly 10% serious and 90% false bravado right now, like that one time, on stage, when he was the one getting kissed for a change and turning into a chaste twelve-year-old and telling everyone to never speak of it again.

 

Coincidentally, Siwon hadn't meant to kiss him then.

 

But the fans wanted it.

 

Really, really wanted it.

 

And also, Heechul's hair was so ridiculously shiny.

 

"How do we play?" he texts at last, grateful for his sunglasses.

 

_We've been playing for a while._

 

Siwon's mouth is strangely dry. And his skin's all prickled. And he should probably pray, but that always backfires when it comes to Heechul.

 

Because, well, Siwon used to pray that Heechul's immortal soul be forgiven every time Heechul kissed a man.

 

And then those prayers maybe, possibly, sort of turned into a polite request that He not allow Heechul to kiss anyone... else. And now, whenever those polite requests fall on deaf ears, Siwon illustrates his displeasure and his inability to share by pretty much literally pushing or kicking everyone else away.

 

That sounds extra greedy and possessive, so Siwon mentally adds that he's only _saving_ Heechul.

 

After all, he's okay sharing him with Heebum and God.

 

Maybe.

 

Siwon's already in the car, sandwiched between Leeteuk and Kyuhyun, when his head clears enough to text back.

 

But both Leeteuk and Kyuhyun are watching him suspiciously, so...

 

*

 

Heechul's chair creaks under his weight.

 

He spins around once, twice, three times, and glowers at the ceiling, then his phone, then his fingers.

 

Does Siwon need him to spell everything out? Seriously. Siwon.

 

"Flip a coin," he writes finally, annoyed. "Heads, we pretend none of this ever happened. Tails, you come get me."

 

There's nothing for an hour and Heechul's getting antsy and for the past ten minutes, his commander's been eyeing him warily, scratching something down on his notepad, so Heechul bows with an apologetic grin and gets to work.

 

He's sleepy and disappointed and a little huffy by the time he's finally discharged for the day.

 

The moment his boots hit gravel, he straightens up, eyes narrowed.

 

Clearly, the coin landed the wrong side up, which is probably profound or good or whatever.

 

Lips pursed, Heechul fixes his gaze on the parking structure in the distance. It's not a super long hike or anything but he's tired and—

 

"Hyung."

 

There's a familiar car camouflaged by the side of the road, one window rolled down. A tanned hand's hanging out, tapping to some inaudible beat.

 

Every muscle in Heechul's body tenses.

 

"Yah, is your phone broken?" he grumbles but his feet are already carrying him closer.

 

Siwon pokes his head out, eyes bright.

 

Heechul relaxes instantly.

 

"So you flipped the coin."

 

Siwon shrugs with a smirk. "That's for rational people." His face lights up. "I have _faith_."

 

Heechul grins and rolls his eyes and says goodbye to his list.

 

"Get in, hyung," Siwon says.

 

Heechul does.


End file.
